That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
