stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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