I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
