Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
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You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
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Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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