No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
