grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
