ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
