Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
