Nicole vs. Life
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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