I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
