how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
