Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
