Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize