i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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