and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
