it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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