so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
