RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
