How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
