and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
