We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
