He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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