I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
