Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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