i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
