I got her a Nickelback box set.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
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duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
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I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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