it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
