sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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