When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
you made out with another girl for some wings
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
