i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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