If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
