i permit you to call me
Moan for me like Helen Keller
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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