this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize