I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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