were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
