Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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