So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
