Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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