I think I won the penis lottery.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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