Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
