Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
