And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
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i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
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I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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