Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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