I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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