Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
