Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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