Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
