can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
