I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
