I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
