If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
