I seem to have left my pride at pride
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
