dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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