You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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