Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
