i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
my liver is dry heaving
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
