I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
