I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
