i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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