There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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