there's paper in my vomit.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Your penis caused this!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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