After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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