Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize