i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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