Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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