so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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