there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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