he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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