my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
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