ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
