Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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