is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Are my feet made of real feet?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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