his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
