i barfeds in our rink
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
