Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
