I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
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