3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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