true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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