never play flip cup with pint glasses
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
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