i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
