I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
