one might say we're banned from that church
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
